Ramadhan and Hari Raya

firstly, to anyone reading my blog,
i would like to wish you Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri Maaf Zahir dan Batin , i meant it.

well, i didn't write anything the whole puasa, probably due to my serabutness of life and i dont have anything to write.
but i'll write something soon.

hmm my raya wasnt a great raya this year,
maybe the expectation that i hope , never happened.
but still its a good raya, with good brothers at home and friends, met long lost classmates, hanging out, barbequeing and so many stuffs.

well i'll post something soon, dont have time right now.
im packing and going back to kedah for a special mission.

welcome Sheera to my blog. thanks for reading darling.

made of honor

its 5:02 am ,
i just watched a movie, Made of Honor , starring patrick dempsey and michelle monaghan.
a good movie, but a bit corny.

well, the movie made me realized something, choice.
choice about our life, who'd u be with, u marry with and live with.
dont marry a guy/girl just because u wanna get married. marry them because you love them all your heart, and willing to give and take everything, for the rest of your life, without a doubt or string attached.

its probably the right time for watching it, considering what im feeling right now.

i feel stupid, and tired. mostly tired.
im tired of being nice to others, being a nice guy, nice friend, or being nice in everything.

for the last 2 months, i've said to myself, to be nice, and be a good guy. give her a chance.
but i dont think i can handle this anymore.
its probably me, not her.

i know im not a master in relationship whatsoeva, but i know, basic rule in relationship is , you gotta be there whenever your partner needs you, whatever you do.

she made me realized that, i dont really need her. (i hope she can prove that im wrong after this)
and she also doesnt really needs me. well, she needs me when she needs help.yea she'll call and sms or msg so many many times, but hey i dont mind.
i'll answer them as good as i can, even if im falling from a plane or dying from a car crash.

i wont let my partner down. and even if i cant answer it, i'll do my best to answer it later.

but, when i need her, when i call her, mostly when she's into something or went somewhere,
she'll say she's busy. busy , busy.
and if i call more than 3 times, she'll ask me to chill out?
and she'll say that im a pushy. can u believe it?

i know nobody read this blog, not even her. she wouldn't care much .
i think i should probably go back and be me again, as what i were before. as cold as stone. heartless.

i dont need anyone, that only needs me whenever she wanted.
if somebody waited for me , on my birthday night, in front of my house, with a cake, i would cry, and wont ask for anything else.

all these while, you said that i only sees your fault, not your kindness, but i think you're the one that doing it.

i hope you're happy and enjoy with your life now.
ignore what ive wrote (if you're reading this) . and continue to neglect me.
you dont need me.

im just writing what i felt. im sorry.

untitled

untitled.

is it wrong for me to ask,
is it wrong for me to care,
sometimes i just wanna share.

maybe you dont understand
how hard to be me
try to live in this shoes for a day
but i dont want you to feel that way

when you only have yourself
and nobody else
when your parents cant really help
and others are not really here

maybe,
the others leave me,
i hope you are not them
because i know you arent

is it wrong for me to ask,
is it wrong for me to care,
so if you dont want me to share
i'll understand

i will keep all inside this hollow heart
and hoping i can carry them through
until my time is up
they'll be buried inside with me

and when im gone that day
dont you worry about me
and dont be sorry,
my ma will be there
she would be listening to me everyday

until that day
time is not enough
for me to explain
why

im a loner child
was born alone
raised myself up
i will live, and keep living
until this over, be strong

is it wrong for me to ask,
is it wrong for me to care,
sometimes i just wanna share.

-fahmy, 1:31 PM 08 aug 08

Third Eye Blind - Deep Inside of You

life

this one, is a dialog taken from a UK tv series Hustle, Danny Blue talking to Willie on rooftop

Willie : you wanna be regular people? hmm? do ya? well go ahead, go on.
They're crying out for footsoldiers down there.
Go and have your life run by bosses, bank managers and politicians, but if you wanna be a grifter, dont have anything in life you cant walk away from in a second.
Lovers friends, even your own mother.

exactly what ive been thinking.

( :

( :

Michele Branch - Goodbye To You

Of all the things I've believed in,
I just want to get it over with,
tears form behind my eyes,
but I do not cry,
counting the days that pass me by.

I've been searchin' deep down in my soul;
words that I'm hearin' are starting to get old,
it feels like I'm starting all over again,
The last three years were just pretend,
and I said...

Goodbye to you,
goodbye to everything I thought I knew,
You were the one I loved,
the one thing that I tried to hold onto.

I still get lost in your eyes,
and it seems that I can't live a day without you,
closing my eyes,
and you chase my thoughts away,
to a place where I am blinded by the light,
but it's not right.

Goodbye to you,
goodbye to everything I thought I knew,
You were the one I loved,
the one thing that I tried to hold on to.

Ooh whoa....
and it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time,
I want what's yours and I want what's mine,
I want you,
but I'm not giving in this time.

Goodbye to you,
goodbye to everything I thought I knew,
You were the one I loved,
the one thing that I tried to hold onto
Goodbye to you, (goodbye to you)
goodbye to everything I thought I knew, (goodbye to you)
You were the one I loved,
the one thing that I tried to hold onto,
(the one thing that i tried to hold onto)
the one thing that I tried to hold onto.
(the one thing that i tried to hold onto)

Oh, oh whoa, oh, oh (one thing that i tried to hold onto)
and when the stars fall I will lie awake,
you're my shooting star.

Miley Cyrus - 7 Things!

Miley Cyrus - 7 Things Lyrics

Miley Cyrus Lyrics

I probably shouldn't say this
But at times I get so scared
When I think about the previous
Relationship we shared

It was awesome, but we lost it
It's not possible for me, not to care
And now we're standing in the rain
But nothing's ever gonna change until you hear, my dear

The 7 things I hate about you
The 7 things I hate about you, oh you
You're vain, your games, you're insecure
You love me, you like her
You make me laugh, you make me cry
I don't know which side to buy
Your friends, they're jerks
When you act like them, just know it hurts
I wanna be with the one I know
And the 7th thing I hate the most that you do
You make me love you

It's awkward and it's silent
As I wait for you to say
What I need to hear now
Your sincere apology
When you mean it, I'll believe it
If you text it, I'll delete it
Let's be clear
Oh I'm not coming back
You're taking 7 steps here

The 7 things I hate about you
You're vain, your games, you're insecure
You love me, you like her
You make me laugh, you make me cry
I don't know which side to buy
Your friends, they're jerks
When you act like them, just know it hurts
I wanna be with the one I know
And the 7th thing I hate the most that you do
You make me love you

And compared to all the great things
That would take too long to write
I probably should mention
The 7 that I like

The 7 things I like about you
Your hair, your eyes, your old Levi's
When we kiss I'm hypnotized
You make me laugh, you make me cry
But I guess that's both I'll have to buy
Your hands in mine
When we're intertwined, everything's alright
I wanna be with the one I know
And the 7th thing I like most that you do
You make me love you
You do

wondering..

i am wondering right now,
who reads my blog?
answer - people and robots! you fool!
(robot is the google robot that crawling across the web to find you!)

blog for the day

well, its 7:49 am and i still cant sleep.
and i think its time to write something.

i wanna share something with you today, i heard this somewhere, but i couldn't
remember it. -
"a person that you know your whole life, doesnt mean he/she is your friend. you just knew them.and it doesnt have to take years to find a real friend"

do you agree with this?

hmm, i wanna tell you about the people that i knew my whole life.

they're divided into few groups -
my childhood and yet still friend, my school friends, my classmates, my uni friends, and others.

i love every piece of them, yeah i do.
my childhood friends always there for me, we always hangout, stupid jokes, old jokes. we would talk about our dreams, girls. school. the bad things we did together.

my schoolfriends are the majority, mostly guys. i never been into mixed school, except kindergarten and the stupid mrsm (that i rolled for a month lol)

and yeah, my classmates are the best people in my life ! i wont forget the name like jai, shah , faiz , broz, pali, anaih, leman , emon, and others! (i dont forget you guys, just malas nak type hehe)

my uni friends! i learned alot from these groups!

but now i wanna write about the "other" group.hmm u might be wondering who they are.
they are the people who i knew by doing something , joining something, or i knew them from other people.
it sounds insignificantly in this story, but it is.
i spent few years back with them. doing stuffs.
i wasted so much time with them.
they are the most talented arrogant people i ever know. i never regretted what ive done to them. . but im done with them.
like i said earlier before, maybe i know them quite long and good, but the truth is,they're never my friends.
friends will never leave friends. but they did. so they arent one :b

allright, so you might now guessing who are these people, or thinking are you the one that ive been writing about. well, the answer is NO.

well, think about it ! well peace out !

Train - Get To Me

I love this song so much. it gives me some kind of good feeling and i feeeeel so good everytime i listen to this. great lyrics tho
its from Train.



Well an airplane's faster than a Cadillac
And a whole lot smoother than a camel's back
But I don't care how you get to me
Just get to me
Parasail or first class mail
Get on the back of a Nightingale
Just get to me I don't care just get to me
Prokeds, mopeds take a limousine instead
They ain't cheap but they're easy to find
Get on the highway point yourself my way
Take a roller coaster that comes in sideways
Just get to me - yeah

Go on hitch a ride on the back
of a butterfly
There's no better way to fly
To get to me
I look around at what I got
And without you, it ain't a lot
But I got every, with you, everything

Maybe you could pollinate over the
Golden Gate
Take a left hand turn at the corner
Of Haight
And then a sharp right
At the first street light
And get yourself on a motor bike
And if you think you'll get stuck in a
traffic jam
That's fine, send yourself through a telephone line
It doesn't matter how you get to me
Just get to me

Cause after every day
The wind blows the night time my way
And I imagine that you are
Above me like a star
And you keep on glowing
And you keep on showing me the way
SHINE SHINE SHINE

Sara Bareilles !

Yeah,
im doing my first album review wohoo!

okay,
while writing this down, im still listening to her album for my first time.
but, Love Song has been on radio and tv every hours here and there now,and thats why i'd like to listen to her whole album and give my opinion abt it.

well, the Love Song is really a catchy and great songwriting by Sara, and i think i enjoyed it so much the first time i heard it on tv. Well, i always love pop rock/pop singer-songwriter-chicks who play instrument(s) like Michele Branch, KT Tunstall, Venesa Carlton, and im looking forward to hear more from Sara.

Her song One Sweet Love really unveiled her voices, and also a great song. Kinda like, Michele Branch type song. love it. Also take a listen to Between The Lines , City, Many The Lines, and Gravity.

No doubt that Sara Bareilles got a great voice and good songwriting skills.
Well, i hope she's not just going to be happy with her first album, im looking forward for her next material in future.


download it here (: , but dont forget to buy them if you like em

http://rapidshare.com/files/90222149/Sara_Bareilles_-_Little_Voices.zip

Van Wilder, at last.

well, at last , today, ive finally watched Van Wilder the movie.
yeah, the movie was out in 2002 and i watched it 6 years later.
van wilder got out from his college that year, and yeah, i was enrolled in my uni in the same year.
well, few people event requested me to watch that movie, when they knew that i am somehow, in my 6th of year uni.
yeah!
but im not considering myself as the van wilder. he's way too cool than me.
well, its a great movie, with great lines in it. and the movie is pretty much of what i think my life is.

(scene where ryan reynolds (van wilder) and tara reid sit after they had hockey game)

ryan : so, how long have you and premed richard been together?
tara : since my freshmen year
ryan : i bet he's a tight whitey guy (LOL , this one really hahah)
tara : excuse me?
ryan : white, elastic band, constrictive. You can tell a lot about a person by the kind of drawers they wear.
Like you, granny panties, i bet!
tara : Does that allude me to being the plain, boring type?
ryan : No, i just wanted a visual.
tara : i think it takes a lot more than the kind of underwear one wears to define them as a person
ryan : Like what?
tara : Like their action. For instance, most people want to get out of school, so they can make money. You're trying to make money to stay in school. why?
ryan : I like it here
tara : what about your future?
ryan : you take life way too seriously
tara : life is serious
ryan : you know, i used to party with this guy who told me "van, Dont take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive" .
He used to write for the school paper. He kept babbling about the differences between light and dark beer. very strange, but good advice.
You think about the future too much, you kind forget about the present, obviously.
And i am really enjoying the present right now, sharing a penalty box and a tri-latte with Gwen Pearson, who believes cencorship reflects society's lack of confidence in itself.

well, he's true i guess.
and i believe many of my friends, and students now in colleges and unis is striving their best to get out of their place, and go to the what they call "real world". real world of what they define as go to work at a company, get paid every month, pay bills, get married and have children.
but, most of them kinda forget, of what they're doing here.

they forget to enjoy themselves, they take drugs too much til they dont even stand on this earth, they study so hard til they forget to go out and have fun, they're too afraid of what their parents will say, til they left out so many things that they can do in uni, they're in love so damn much with their girlfriends til they missed out their friends and so many things.

hey guys, i know ive been here long than what im supposed to, i have my reasons.
and im not telling all these just to tell you to extend your studies, no.
what im trying to say is, you just have 4 or 5 years in your precious life to enjoy this.
and you will work for another 40 years and get married for the whole life, and you wont be getting it back when you're 40. or 60. it wont happened again.

to freshmen, let your next 4 years gonna be the greatest time on your life, and to anyone finishing soon, enjoy your last moment here, go out party with your friends, ask your long-lost-contact friends to hangout, call your friends to have drinks with you.

im jepun, hafizi, fahmy, kev, kevin jeps ! out!

felt like writing.

helo world.
how are u out there?
i dont know what to write, but im gonna give a shot.
well, howbout i tell you guys something .
about girls that i knew, before.
girls that really inspired me.
and most of em, gone now.

well, i kinda miss a girl i knew back in my schooldays.
i knew her accidently via irc , she thought im sombdoy else.
so we chat, and we met. that first met, omg,
she was soo beautiful. i felt for her.
since then, we always talked on the phone, irc-ing. everyday.
but, im nowhr around her heart. we were just friends.
but somhow after she finished school, she disappeared for a year,
it was my first year in uni. then i got her contact and we connected again.
but this time she was in kl, and has bf. i dont really mind. i always too late.
for everythg.
and then she was in love with my good friend. that was a sad time for me,
but im happy for them. but it dont last long.
and she disappeared again, and recently i heard,
she got married. );
she was my first crush.

and another girl is cinta.
i call her that because that's the only name i knew back then
when i was first year at uni.
well, she was a senior and she's damn hot.
i know she wasnt easy to get to know, so it took me half-a-year to get
to know her.
what's inspired me is she has the look and the brain. and we got somtgh
in common abt our mother.
she's a real good sister to her siblings.
and she's a good listener, good talker, and fun to hangout
even though back then, i speak POOR english (til now),
i still managed to speak english with her, LOL.
well, its been 4 years since the last time i met her.
she's engaged to smone now, and getting married soon.
i hope we can hangout for the last time (;

another one is za,
well, i kinda knew her since my alpha year in uni.
but we really got to know each other in 2005.
i like her , yeah i did.
but back then, she felt in love, again, with my good friend.
and again, im soooooo sad sad sad.
but in 2007, we got back together, but this time,
we really had feelings for each other.
shes a great friend and a good person to hangout.
she has a good taste in music, and tv too!
we used to sat and sang and play guitar together.
but, somehow i spoiled the relationship.
i kinda mis her, my friend.
i still remember she showing me around her old town, breakfast
together at her fav place.
well its all my fault. she's in a good place now.
i hope that we might be friend again.

another one is ...
well,
i dont know what to say abt her.
the most perfect girl i ever know.
but again, i spoiled it );
im so so so so sad.
if i have a chance to ride on a time machine
and get back in time,
i'd definitely repair this. this one.
that i cant really do anythg about it.

"of all the roses and apologies,
of all the sorry i asked,
i know daisy worth more to you,
i hope u'll forgive me,
even after im long gone from here"

to you, you know who you are.

i know nobody will read this.
but u know, somehow i felt like internet is like a treasure chest,
where we will dig and find something good in it.

til next time ya.

listening to SigurRos - Staralfur while writign this.

alive and kickin!

yeah
im re-opening this thing.
you guys sucks!
thank you for visiting.
jeng!

bye

bye, take care everyone!

kemaafan.

dear kamu.
aku mahu meminta maaf atas kesalahan ku
walaupun ku asek mengulanginya
aku tak bermaksud hendak melukai hati mu
tapi hati ini tiada siapa yang tahu
cuma aku minta satu di bulan yang mulia ini
maafkan aku semaaf hati mu
buangkan segala selisih
kita pernah berkawan satu ketika dulu
dan selalu bertukar cerita
sedih dan gembira dan apa saja
walaupun kita bukan teman yang rapat
tapi kita sentiasa ada di sisi masing-masing
tapi sekarang kita tidak lagi
dan aku tahu kamu membaca tulisan ku ini
walaupun pada zahirnya kamu tidak mahu
jadi ingatlah saat saat kita menjadi kawan dahulu
sedih dan gembira dikongsi bersama
maafkan lah aku sekali lagi
kita cuba lari dari kenyataan
tapi kita tidak sedar akan realiti
cukup sudah aku kehilangan
aku harap kita tidak pernah berkawan
tetap menjadi asing
aku juga berharap
yang aku bangun suatu pagi
dan aku tidak lagi ada memori
dan aku tidak perlu lagi risau tentang apa apa
hanya bebas untuk terbang
aku,
banyak melukai hati lain
dan hati ini juga telah banyak dilukai
oleh insan insan yang aku tidak salahkan
kerana aku juga yang mencari
tapi aku tahu
tuhan juga yang menentukan
hidup, kawan, jodoh dan mati
sekeras mana kita cuba untuk mati
tapi jika bukan waktunya, kita tidak akan mati
dan sekeras mana kita cuba mendapatkan seseorang
jika bukan mereka yang ditakdirkan
kita juga tahu jawapan
aku tidak pernah memiliki kekasih
mereka datang dan pergi
seperti malam berganti siang
tidak pernah mereka singgah dan berhenti
dan apa bila mereka berhenti sekejap
Tuhan telah menulis
yang aku bukan dengan mereka
mungkin,
tuhan menghantar aku ke dunia ini
bukan untuk memilik kekasih
tapi untuk tujuan yang lain
aku hampir tiada apa apa
bonda juga telah pergi
ayahnda juga seperti tiada
hanya ada abang dan adik
yang masih mendaki mencari sesuatu
mungkin
mungkin
kerana apa yang aku mahu selama ini
melihat dunia lain di seberang sana
melakukan apa saja yang aku mahu
berjumpa dengan orang orang
tuhan telah memberi peluang itu
untuk melakukannya semua
dan selagi aku memiliki tubuh yang sihat
masih ada rezeki
aku bersyukur.
kerana ramai di luar sana yang saket
yang cacat yang tidak makan.
tidak pula mereka bersedih
dan mungkin
dengan tubuh yagn sihat ini
tuhan mahu aku menolong mereka
atau rakan rakan ku
atau keluarga ku.
sudah 23 tahun 5 bulan aku hidup
entah untuk berapa lama lagi
tapi jika ditakdirkan aku hanya hidup
untuk menulis ini kali terakhir
aku mahu lagi
meminta maaf sepenuh hati
maafkan lah diri ini
di bulan mulia ini.
dan lupakanlah aku sepenuhnya
teruskan hidup mu
dapatkan apa yang kamu mahu
dan mungkin akan kita ketemu suatu hari
aku bukan yang terbaik untukmu
kerana itu tuhan tentukan
aku juga tidak pernah terbaik buat sesiapa
selamat tinggal
ini adalah tulisan ku terakhir di laman ini
you're a great friend.
thank you.
im sorry.
bye

Stranger

Stranger than your sympathy
And this is my apology
I killed myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out

And I wished for things that I don’t need
(all I wanted)
And what I chased won’t set me free
(all I wanted)
And I get scared but I’m not crawlin’ on my knees

Oh, yeah
Everything’s all wrong, yeah
Everything’s all wrong, yeah
Where the hell did I think I was?

And stranger than your sympathy
Take these things, so I don’t feel
I’m killing myself from the inside out
And now my head’s been filled with doubt

We’re taught to lead the life you choose
(all I wanted)
You know your love’s run out on you
(all I wanted)
And you can’t see when all your dreams aren’t coming true

Oh, yeah
It’s easy to forget, yeah
When you choke on the regrets, yeah
Who the hell did I think I was?

And stranger than your sympathy
And all these thoughts you stole from me
And I’m not sure where I belong
And no where’s home and no more wrong

And I was in love with things I tried to make you believe I was
And I wouldn’t be the one to kneel before the dreams I wanted
And all the dark and all the lies were all the empty things disguised as me

Mmm, yeah
Stranger than your sympathy
Stranger than your sympathy
Mmm hmmm mmm

sorry

you're way more mature than me. i dont understand, why u keep telling people
all those stuffs, ( reader : i know its your blog, your right, your place, but hey, who's reading it ha?robots,cats? its your friends)
and when they read about it, what'd they think. what'd they feel.
and i know it is NOT about me that you're writing.

KEPADA READERS DI LUAR SANA, JGN INGAT AKU NI ROBOT DAN TAK ADA PERASAAN. hampa ingat aku tak rasa apa apa ka? hampa ingat aku suka suka buat kat orang ka? hampa ingat aku takda rasa sedih ka?
tolong la . mai duduk dengan aku untuk 2 hari, dan hampa akan tau.
i felt terrible for things that happened. terrible ok.
jgn suka suki tuduh aku mcm mcm, kata aku mcm mcm, just because its your friend. kamon la, think about it. mcm aku tak biasa saja dipersedihkan. aku pun sedih ok.
its life, everybody's broken. deal with it.

to YOU, i dont have anything against you, i dont hate you, i dont want to make u feel bad or anything.
well if you wanna write anything about what u feel, just go on. just dont make other people look bad, dont blame them. no no, jgn.
just think bout this, bila kawan kawan awak baca, of cos diorang akan sebelahi awak, and diorang akan hate that person. but, kalau awak memang nak mcm tu, just go on. nobody is stopping you.


try to forgive people. they're just people and being human. sometimes , we have to choose between A and B. and the decision sometimes, will hurt someone. with us knowing it, or not. we're not intentionally doing it to hurt them. we're just being ourself. And sometimes, other people might have to choose, between us or others. the same thing goes to them.
u know this better, i know u do.
just read this, and think about it.

im sorry if i wrote anything wrong here. and to you too guys.

stop

well honey, its not only other's fault when things aren't work out.
sometimes we should ask ourself why did it went wrong.
and remember, we cant force anyone, especially their feelings.
stop blaming people, please stop it. its not good for anyone.