welcoming the 2010

its been awhile since my last post.
and now we're entering a new decade, twenty-ten. we will no longer call "two thousand something".
its now twenty eleven, twenty twelve. oh 2012 we all gonna die, yeah right.
i like it, its like back in 90s, where we said nineteen ninety five. whoa

hmm. well im turning 26 in four months.
i have to admit that im old now, passing the figure 5 in your age range will obviously make you scared. im scared. never been this scared.
why do i scared?

well, i havent graduate from my uni, few more subjects left. i wish i have fifteen thousands ringgit in cash so i can pay my fees and leave it for good. i wish. wish is not enough. i need to work my ass out.

i have nothing, i have no car, no jobs, no house, no savings, nothing. i am zero.
i have to struggle now, i have to do what i want to do, i need to finish what i have started, i need to start now, or everything will falls apart.

but luckily i have a good set of friends, great business partner(s), i have a awesome bandmates that i admire (yes you guys yaw), and most importantly, i have a very supportive,understandable,loving,bomel,bam,buk girlfriend that i love so muchhh.
add all together, i know im still ahead of most of people i know.

i care less for status, i care less having a big car with a big house, i care less to wear fancy pancy clothings, but less is not zero. i still want a nice car, a good house, and wear good clothes.
wanting, and needing, is a different thing.

peer pressure never effects me. but life pressure always effects me.
right now, in my 26, life started to get serious. everything evolve.
i have to get serious, in everything i do. even tho it is just something not serious like washing my face.

getting serious in whatever i do, is my new year resolution.

i laid back alot before, my work never done in time, my projects never get started or finished. so this is it. i will get serious.

there will be some big things that will happened this year to me. my band will released our first album, which i will definitely cry when i hold them in my hands later. im gonna get myself a car. im gonna start serious doing business. im starting my own magazine soon. cd store, merch store, clothing label, record label.

i hope i can be more dicipline in order to get all those things happened. and i will. this is my future, this is the starting line. its now, or never.
i choose this path, i never plan on working 9-5, never plan to do stuffs for bosses. never plan to have bosses. im not normal, this is my shot. if i failed, i'll do what everybody do.

this is a big challenge for me. i love challenge. always does. time is running and i can no longer be laid back, and play like i used to. but i will play and laid back as usual, this time with a purpose.

there are so many things that i regret, not because i did things, because i didnt. its not too late for me.future is now. now or never.

im scared. im not scared of failure. im scared of things that i dont do.

darling,

im so sorry if i hurt you, or make you cry. i never meant for that
there are so many things running in my head now, and those things are like scattered jigsaw puzzle.
i need to put them together piece by piece, until the whole picture is complete.

to do that, i need time just for myself. to think, to relax, to get some perspective.
im not in a good shape right now, sorry if i push you away. i just dont want to drag you in my turbulence. give me time, i will get myself together. i promised you with all my heart.

this is not about you, this is about me fighting with myself in order to face my future.
i hope you understand. i will see you in a week from now, and i promise to finish the puzzle by then. i know i can. and i will.
i love you so much, you're my best friend my lover my all. you know that. it never change.


well its late now and i have to go.
i end this entry with some words

Life is not about working , making money and buying what you want ..
But life is about being happy , love and health ..most importantly DOING WHAT YOU WANT AND BE PASSIONATE ABOUT SOMETHING .

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