felt like writing.

helo world.
how are u out there?
i dont know what to write, but im gonna give a shot.
well, howbout i tell you guys something .
about girls that i knew, before.
girls that really inspired me.
and most of em, gone now.

well, i kinda miss a girl i knew back in my schooldays.
i knew her accidently via irc , she thought im sombdoy else.
so we chat, and we met. that first met, omg,
she was soo beautiful. i felt for her.
since then, we always talked on the phone, irc-ing. everyday.
but, im nowhr around her heart. we were just friends.
but somhow after she finished school, she disappeared for a year,
it was my first year in uni. then i got her contact and we connected again.
but this time she was in kl, and has bf. i dont really mind. i always too late.
for everythg.
and then she was in love with my good friend. that was a sad time for me,
but im happy for them. but it dont last long.
and she disappeared again, and recently i heard,
she got married. );
she was my first crush.

and another girl is cinta.
i call her that because that's the only name i knew back then
when i was first year at uni.
well, she was a senior and she's damn hot.
i know she wasnt easy to get to know, so it took me half-a-year to get
to know her.
what's inspired me is she has the look and the brain. and we got somtgh
in common abt our mother.
she's a real good sister to her siblings.
and she's a good listener, good talker, and fun to hangout
even though back then, i speak POOR english (til now),
i still managed to speak english with her, LOL.
well, its been 4 years since the last time i met her.
she's engaged to smone now, and getting married soon.
i hope we can hangout for the last time (;

another one is za,
well, i kinda knew her since my alpha year in uni.
but we really got to know each other in 2005.
i like her , yeah i did.
but back then, she felt in love, again, with my good friend.
and again, im soooooo sad sad sad.
but in 2007, we got back together, but this time,
we really had feelings for each other.
shes a great friend and a good person to hangout.
she has a good taste in music, and tv too!
we used to sat and sang and play guitar together.
but, somehow i spoiled the relationship.
i kinda mis her, my friend.
i still remember she showing me around her old town, breakfast
together at her fav place.
well its all my fault. she's in a good place now.
i hope that we might be friend again.

another one is ...
well,
i dont know what to say abt her.
the most perfect girl i ever know.
but again, i spoiled it );
im so so so so sad.
if i have a chance to ride on a time machine
and get back in time,
i'd definitely repair this. this one.
that i cant really do anythg about it.

"of all the roses and apologies,
of all the sorry i asked,
i know daisy worth more to you,
i hope u'll forgive me,
even after im long gone from here"

to you, you know who you are.

i know nobody will read this.
but u know, somehow i felt like internet is like a treasure chest,
where we will dig and find something good in it.

til next time ya.

listening to SigurRos - Staralfur while writign this.

alive and kickin!

yeah
im re-opening this thing.
you guys sucks!
thank you for visiting.
jeng!

bye

bye, take care everyone!

kemaafan.

dear kamu.
aku mahu meminta maaf atas kesalahan ku
walaupun ku asek mengulanginya
aku tak bermaksud hendak melukai hati mu
tapi hati ini tiada siapa yang tahu
cuma aku minta satu di bulan yang mulia ini
maafkan aku semaaf hati mu
buangkan segala selisih
kita pernah berkawan satu ketika dulu
dan selalu bertukar cerita
sedih dan gembira dan apa saja
walaupun kita bukan teman yang rapat
tapi kita sentiasa ada di sisi masing-masing
tapi sekarang kita tidak lagi
dan aku tahu kamu membaca tulisan ku ini
walaupun pada zahirnya kamu tidak mahu
jadi ingatlah saat saat kita menjadi kawan dahulu
sedih dan gembira dikongsi bersama
maafkan lah aku sekali lagi
kita cuba lari dari kenyataan
tapi kita tidak sedar akan realiti
cukup sudah aku kehilangan
aku harap kita tidak pernah berkawan
tetap menjadi asing
aku juga berharap
yang aku bangun suatu pagi
dan aku tidak lagi ada memori
dan aku tidak perlu lagi risau tentang apa apa
hanya bebas untuk terbang
aku,
banyak melukai hati lain
dan hati ini juga telah banyak dilukai
oleh insan insan yang aku tidak salahkan
kerana aku juga yang mencari
tapi aku tahu
tuhan juga yang menentukan
hidup, kawan, jodoh dan mati
sekeras mana kita cuba untuk mati
tapi jika bukan waktunya, kita tidak akan mati
dan sekeras mana kita cuba mendapatkan seseorang
jika bukan mereka yang ditakdirkan
kita juga tahu jawapan
aku tidak pernah memiliki kekasih
mereka datang dan pergi
seperti malam berganti siang
tidak pernah mereka singgah dan berhenti
dan apa bila mereka berhenti sekejap
Tuhan telah menulis
yang aku bukan dengan mereka
mungkin,
tuhan menghantar aku ke dunia ini
bukan untuk memilik kekasih
tapi untuk tujuan yang lain
aku hampir tiada apa apa
bonda juga telah pergi
ayahnda juga seperti tiada
hanya ada abang dan adik
yang masih mendaki mencari sesuatu
mungkin
mungkin
kerana apa yang aku mahu selama ini
melihat dunia lain di seberang sana
melakukan apa saja yang aku mahu
berjumpa dengan orang orang
tuhan telah memberi peluang itu
untuk melakukannya semua
dan selagi aku memiliki tubuh yang sihat
masih ada rezeki
aku bersyukur.
kerana ramai di luar sana yang saket
yang cacat yang tidak makan.
tidak pula mereka bersedih
dan mungkin
dengan tubuh yagn sihat ini
tuhan mahu aku menolong mereka
atau rakan rakan ku
atau keluarga ku.
sudah 23 tahun 5 bulan aku hidup
entah untuk berapa lama lagi
tapi jika ditakdirkan aku hanya hidup
untuk menulis ini kali terakhir
aku mahu lagi
meminta maaf sepenuh hati
maafkan lah diri ini
di bulan mulia ini.
dan lupakanlah aku sepenuhnya
teruskan hidup mu
dapatkan apa yang kamu mahu
dan mungkin akan kita ketemu suatu hari
aku bukan yang terbaik untukmu
kerana itu tuhan tentukan
aku juga tidak pernah terbaik buat sesiapa
selamat tinggal
ini adalah tulisan ku terakhir di laman ini
you're a great friend.
thank you.
im sorry.
bye

Stranger

Stranger than your sympathy
And this is my apology
I killed myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out

And I wished for things that I don’t need
(all I wanted)
And what I chased won’t set me free
(all I wanted)
And I get scared but I’m not crawlin’ on my knees

Oh, yeah
Everything’s all wrong, yeah
Everything’s all wrong, yeah
Where the hell did I think I was?

And stranger than your sympathy
Take these things, so I don’t feel
I’m killing myself from the inside out
And now my head’s been filled with doubt

We’re taught to lead the life you choose
(all I wanted)
You know your love’s run out on you
(all I wanted)
And you can’t see when all your dreams aren’t coming true

Oh, yeah
It’s easy to forget, yeah
When you choke on the regrets, yeah
Who the hell did I think I was?

And stranger than your sympathy
And all these thoughts you stole from me
And I’m not sure where I belong
And no where’s home and no more wrong

And I was in love with things I tried to make you believe I was
And I wouldn’t be the one to kneel before the dreams I wanted
And all the dark and all the lies were all the empty things disguised as me

Mmm, yeah
Stranger than your sympathy
Stranger than your sympathy
Mmm hmmm mmm

sorry

you're way more mature than me. i dont understand, why u keep telling people
all those stuffs, ( reader : i know its your blog, your right, your place, but hey, who's reading it ha?robots,cats? its your friends)
and when they read about it, what'd they think. what'd they feel.
and i know it is NOT about me that you're writing.

KEPADA READERS DI LUAR SANA, JGN INGAT AKU NI ROBOT DAN TAK ADA PERASAAN. hampa ingat aku tak rasa apa apa ka? hampa ingat aku suka suka buat kat orang ka? hampa ingat aku takda rasa sedih ka?
tolong la . mai duduk dengan aku untuk 2 hari, dan hampa akan tau.
i felt terrible for things that happened. terrible ok.
jgn suka suki tuduh aku mcm mcm, kata aku mcm mcm, just because its your friend. kamon la, think about it. mcm aku tak biasa saja dipersedihkan. aku pun sedih ok.
its life, everybody's broken. deal with it.

to YOU, i dont have anything against you, i dont hate you, i dont want to make u feel bad or anything.
well if you wanna write anything about what u feel, just go on. just dont make other people look bad, dont blame them. no no, jgn.
just think bout this, bila kawan kawan awak baca, of cos diorang akan sebelahi awak, and diorang akan hate that person. but, kalau awak memang nak mcm tu, just go on. nobody is stopping you.


try to forgive people. they're just people and being human. sometimes , we have to choose between A and B. and the decision sometimes, will hurt someone. with us knowing it, or not. we're not intentionally doing it to hurt them. we're just being ourself. And sometimes, other people might have to choose, between us or others. the same thing goes to them.
u know this better, i know u do.
just read this, and think about it.

im sorry if i wrote anything wrong here. and to you too guys.

stop

well honey, its not only other's fault when things aren't work out.
sometimes we should ask ourself why did it went wrong.
and remember, we cant force anyone, especially their feelings.
stop blaming people, please stop it. its not good for anyone.

end.

this blog will end here. ( : . thanks everyone. bye bye

matchbox 20 - bright lights - 2nd try.

matchbox 20 - bright lights

Hand me down

this song is for you.sorry sorry

matchbox20 - hand me down.

Someday they'll find your small town world
On a big town avenue
Gonna make you like the way they talk
When they're talking to you
Gonna make you break out of your shell
Cuz they tell you to
Gonna make you like the way they lie
Better than the truth
They'll tell you everthing
You wanted someone else to say
They're gonna break your heart, yeah
From what I've seen
You're just one more hand me down
Cuz no one's tried to give you
What you need
So lay all your troubles down
I am with you now
Somebody oughta take you in
Try to make you love again
Try to make you like the way they feel
When they're under your skin
Never once do you think that they would lie
When they're holding you
Then you wonder why they haven't called
When they said they'd call you
You'll start to wonder
If you're ever gonna make it by
You'll start to think
You were born blind
From what I've seen
You're just one more hand me down
Cuz no one's tried to give you
What you need
So lay all your troubles down
I am with you now
I'm here for the hard times
The straight to your heart times
When living ain't easy
You can stand up against me
And maybe rely on me
And cry on me, yeah
Oh no, no, no
Someday they'll open up your world
Shake you down to the drawing board
Do their best to change you
They still can't erase you
From what I've seen
You're just one more hand me down
Cuz no one's tried to give you
What you need
So lay all your troubles down
I am with you now
Lay them down on me
You're just one more hand me down
And all those nights don't give you
What you need
So lay all your troubles down
On me

seeing is believing, dreaming is reality

ok fine, semua benda aku buat salah.
so salah kan aku atas semua benda yg jadi. jgn salahkan org lain.
im the bad guy here. not anyone else.
yesterday a friend, harini tak mengaku.
takpalah, aku hanya rakan convertible, harini bleh jadi , esok jadi org lain, lusa jadi benda lain.
harini baik, cakap elok2. esok tak baik, cakap lebih kurang.

ada ayat org putih cakap - "live in my shoes for a moment, and you'll understand"
jgn la asek hentam saja. think!

life aint easy!

( :

hmm

back from ipoh. kenduri kendara yg best jumpa kezens. and also i met fza. tapi...entah la, rasa mcm i should shut my mouth and be a robot that only says yes or no. its like everything comes out wrong from my mouth

hello out there!

hello out there!
sometimes i think that somewhere out there, in other parts of the world, few stranger is reading this blog. are you one of them??

just read over my blog and i noticed, port have a blog too! yeay. i'll link you man!

well it is May. my bday has past, her bday, and many bdays!!!! im a taurian, so, lets read about me. they call the Taurian, The Tramp!

Tramp (trămp)

v., tramped, tramp·ing, tramps. v.intr.

1. To walk with a firm, heavy step; trudge.
2. 1. To travel on foot; hike.
   2. To wander about aimlessly.

v.tr.

1. To traverse on foot: tramp the fields.
2. To tread down; trample: tramp down snow.

n.

1. 1. A heavy footfall.
   2. The sound produced by heavy walking or marching.
2. A walking trip; a hike.
3. One who travels aimlessly about on foot, doing odd jobs or begging for a living; a vagrant.
4. 1. A prostitute.
   2. A person regarded as promiscuous.
5. Nautical. A tramp steamer.
6. A metal plate attached to the sole of a shoe for protection, as when spading ground.

well, most if it is true

TAURUS - The Tramp
Aggressive. Loves being in long
relationships. Likes to give a good
fight for what they want. Extremely
outgoing. Loves to help people in times
of need. Good kisser. Good personality.
Stubborn. A caring person. One of a
kind. Not one to mess with. Are the
most attractive people on earth! 15
years of bad luck if you do not
forward



I LOVE SYAMZA.END.

weekend

ok i have audition for the audiowarfare tomorrow,
not that i have audition, im handling it.
by the way, i dont know what i should write here, and.
it seems to me that i absolutely have nothing interesting i can share with you guys,
even if i do, i wont be sharing it to much with you. no no not my life with you.
the truth is my life is boring. all day i will always think what to do for my band, or for other people, for example, the battle of the bands. i seldom think ways to enjoy myself.
ok done.

btw, i still hope that i never knew her, u know like one day you wake up and u cant remember a thing? its pain. its pain.
but no, life wasnt like that.
we have to breathe the air and walk the earth , look forward and live life.

but still, i never wanted to not knowing her. hmm.
nevermind, life is bigger than me. people wont event notice if im gone, not her certainly.

whats up with her? you wanna know what HER name? hehe nop.


Please stop pretending to be someone or anyone that you're not. just be yourself, you know who you are, and where u came.

do you blog?

hey there.
hello? hello?
is there anyone out there still read this blog?
should it write?

im not a good life blogger.
by the way, i tend to visit the links of blogs on my page , most of are them my friends' blog, none of them are active now, what happened to them? am i the only one blogging? do you blog? let me know if you're alive

i used to have a good friend, and i used to think SHE can be a good friend, but i don't know now. i guess friends can be so mean.

hey! i been thinking to join the sparc talentime this year. gonna bring The Bubbles song to it! visit my project band, The Bubbles

helo melo ya

what i suppose to write today?
im totally broke this weekend, so i just spending the time at home watching movies and my fav tv shows, theoc.
i did learned something from the ep, that , everyone will get in love for a certain time, or wanted to be love, and one day they'll realize that they actually the thing they need is not what they really want. you might want to have a lover, but after having it for a year,two, everyone might have a thought that they'll need space, away from it. i think i know the reason why.

we need to learn to love ourself first, get to know ourself better, before we really can love anyone else.

helo

i hope i never met her.
seriously

helo

i hope i never met her.
seriously